Life after Miscarriage

Life is full of surprise ups and downs. The downs teach us to how to become stronger, and the ups teach us to value the time that we have on this planet. On August 22, 2017 I peed on stick and my life would be forever changed. Being that this was a surprise pregnancy, Chris and I had so many emotions...fear, excitement, hope, wonder.

One in four women, twenty-five perfect, a quarter. Regardless of the numbers, you never actually believe you will be one of them. You are young, healthy, do the research, stay active, and eat healthy. You do everything exactly as the experts say, but then it happens you hear the words, “Your baby doesn't have a heartbeat.”

That day will always be ingrained in my mind. It was October 18, 2017, we headed in for a routine ultrasound. I was a little over thirteen weeks, with every pregnancy symptom in the book. During the ultrasound, the technician was quite quiet and would not even look me in the eye. It was then that I knew something was wrong. I contacted my midwives office and asked to informed of the results when they came in. The hours ticked by agonizingly slow that afternoon, every worse case scenario was screaming through my mind. Then came the call from my midwife, she hesitantly told me that my baby had stopped growing and no longer had a heartbeat.

The entire world flips on its head when you hear those words. All the plans and dreams you just started to imagine are completely shattered. There are so many emotions that flooded through my mind on the days that follow. I was angry. Angry that this was happening to me. Angry at my body, for not being able to do the one thing a women is supposed to be able to do. I was heart broken about the child that I would no longer meet. I felt extreme guilt, that maybe I had done something to cause this.

They say that time heals everything, but I am not so sure about that anymore. When you lose a baby, certain dates seem to always stick in your mind forever after. The day you found out you were pregnant. The day you first saw your baby during an ultrasound. The day you found out your baby's heart was not beating. The day you lost your baby. Your baby's due date. And...Mother's Day.

These days will always be a challenge for us to get through in the future, we never got to meet our little one and it's been hard to come to terms with what has happened. It's been a difficult and trying time, however it has reminded us of how precious life truly is.

Hug your loved ones a little tighter today.